Doing it all for the money?

Couple of definitions I think are useful to understand:

A vocation, Latin for "calling", is a term for an occupation to which a person is specially drawn or for which they are suited, trained or qualified. Though now often used in secular contexts, the meanings of the term originated in Christianity. (from Wiki)

Job-a specific piece of work, as in one's trade, or done by agreement for pay anything one has to do; task; chore; duty the thing or material being worked on

Profession-a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation

How do I know that I love my profession? I can honestly say that, without a doubt, I would work in women's health for free. Am I nuts or what?

Back when I was a fledgling doula and working on childbirth education, I would offer my services for free or donation just to get experience. What I found is that by doin' it just to do it, I formed relationships and found so much joy in the "work."

I've been thinking a lot about whether or not registered nurse childbirth educators are in general a good idea--especially when they are in a hospital setting. A lot of my thinking has stemmed from recent events involving my own search for certification and the different personalities I have encountered over the last 10 years on this vocational journey of mine.

It seems that forming relationships--or even just rapport--with your students enhances their ability to learn. That's a nursing 101 concept. I wonder if the hospital setting and agenda, coupled with other barriers to learning found in a hospital environment like lecture halls, cold room, florescent lighting, and intimidating medical garb and mumbo-jumbo, all negatively impact how childbirth and other CBE classes are taught.

A CBE instructor recently told me that pregnant women and their support persons expect a high tech, academic setting for their CBE classes, which explains the newfangled use of powerpoint and other media during class. I agree, as Americans we expect a lot for our money, but I am wondering how all this fits with a holistic and more of a midwifery model of education (if that exists)?

As an aside, the average cost of childbirth classes in this country is $110. Not a lot of money for a 6 week series, but a good chunk for an all day class. Hm.

I guess all this is just rumbling around in my head, coupled with the new knowledge I have made about my vocation: I have become an integral part of the highly medicalized childbirth practices found in hospitals today. In a real sense, I am a part of the problem. Yep.

Isn't that weird--for someone who has so believed in natural childbirth and all its accoutrements, that I would be the one following orders by physically tying women down in the bed with various tubes and wires, introducing synthetic oxytocin into their veins, pumping them with narcotics when they have pain, constantly watching what their bodies do on a computer screen, all so I could control their labors? It would be laughable if not so shocking.

And I'm not going to lie: I love technology--especially the technology of nursing. I love the gadgets, the machines, the hospital itself. I'm just not sure how far that love extends? Is it enough to keep me at the bedside of a healthy laboring mom, when that mom shouldn't be in bed at all?

For now, yes. I'm not ready to jump ship. I just don't have a lifeboat waiting around, yet.

But back to teaching in a hospital environment, I don't know if I can do it. I want to teach in women's homes, where they feel comfortable. I want to forgo PowerPoint's and academia, and focus instead on relationship, women helping women, partners not "coaching" but "supporting" and "loving" and "touching."

But then again, maybe I can change something if I do teach at the hospital? (Yeah, and we've see how well that has gone at the hospital when I am "laboring" someone! *sigh*)

See, I have all these ideals and none of them meet in the middle. I am pulled in opposite directions by these paths I have chosen. Which makes me again consider nurse midwifery--maybe the best way to blend it all?? Yes, I am back at that starting point.

What I am doing now as a labor and delivery nurse is part job and part vocation--and somewhat uncomfortable. But a blessing, nonetheless. Oh, and I do get paid for this craziness.

PS The move is going well! ;)

First

The first baby I ever saw come out "the right way"--and hey, if you think there is a right way, well I do, too--was born in a big blue tub of water.

That baby actually inspired me to really pursue this whole fascination I have with childbirth. I remember getting the phone call from my friend C.--I was a spanky new "doula." Uncertified, willing to support whomever, however, armed only with a bunch of books and my experience with having my babies "the wrong way"--and hey, if ya think there is a wrong way, well I kinda do too. Wrong in that my kids should have come out of me the right way, but got stuck. But still kinda right in that I lived and they did too. Just because something doesn't work the way it's supposed to doesn't mean it's a failure. I mean, wrong and failure are not synonymous in my book.

So, got called at three in the morning. Mama was a G1 (first baby) so I thought I had time to get over there and help some. Showed up at her house and she was REALLY huffing and puffing. From my reading I deduced that we probably needed to go to the hospital sooner rather than later--I decided this after the mom said, "We need to go to the hospital NOW." Yeah.

I drove while mom and dad sprawled out in the back-seat and worked through the contractions which were hitting back to back. At the hospital we met with the midwife (MY midwife--I had claimed her first and she stuck out a c-section, a VBAC that didn't work, and another c-section with me). She had me fill the indoor mushy-blue-birth-tub with a hose as my friend was checked: 7 cm.

Mom got in the tub and it turned her to a soft, floating being who sighed instead of groaned with each wave from her uterus. The room was quite, we were all so calm. Our midwife did things unobtrusively--an underwater doppler to hear baby every little bit, gentle assessments with her hands when needed. Baby was born shortly after, into the water, the midwives hands reaching down to pull him up onto his mother belly, the father crouched behind the mother, reaching into the depths to lend his touch.

I still picture the colors in that birth: gray and aqua and new baby-pink. Not the usual bright reds and splayed legs with everything private exposed. This was the childbirth I wanted a piece of--this was the world I fell in love with. Not even sure I saw a nurse, a stethoscope, a warmer, a monitor, a chart, or an EFM strip. Probably oblivious with a dose of naivete--that was me--the new doula who didn't do much but watch in awe. I found myself believing in natural childbirth and knowing in the realest sense that it is done and done perfectly all the time without intervention. It was right and good and normal.

Thank you C. and C. and E. for that introduction. Maybe I will see something like that again, and soon.

Pic from here.

Please see...

My new disclaimer---->

Twittering...

...and not much else going on in blogland for me--have a couple long blog posts in the works but otherwise am packing for the move, getting ready for my Sunday trip, and trying to keep my kids entertained. They are "bored" as usual. Typical summer stuff.

Found out more about my teensy-weensy apartment today and am nervous about being able to sleep days when I work nights (which is inevitable--no day jobs out there). Apparently not only is it small, un-airconditioned and dark as night--it is also loud w/ paper thin walls. What are we getting ourselves into?

Bought a lighter weight suit for my interviews, getting my resume all printed out and pretty, trying to collect all my certification cards into one place...then I have these upcoming childbirth classes & workshops (one of which is all day tomorrow) for my CBE certification, Must organize, write notes and put together some activities for those. One of the workshops involves my teaching anatomy and physiology of labor to a bunch o' doulas and such. Um, ok. Hope they expect a major gap in their education!

My adorable husband is holding down the fort, packing rooms, feeding the kids--

See? Brain fuzz here! Anyone out there still! ;)

Nursing school was hard because...

Couple of grumpy housekeeping bits and then on to more interesting stuff:



So, I got a summons for jury duty and like everyone else in the world, I dont want to go. The only bit of humor I can even find in the whole thing is the 6 bucks they are paying me per day to serve and the 7 cents a mile they will give me for driving downtown to court. Anyone have jury duty? What was it like????

AND my very first check was shorted 32 hrs of pay because my badge was broken for a few days (ok, ok, so I couldnt figure out how to swipe it properly at 1st). Now I have to go to my boss and get that figured out. HURUMPH!


Anyway...yesterday was "fun" in mother baby land. Had 3 post-c-section moms. They require quite a bit more care than vag mommies. They have incisions, mobility issues, sometimes severe pain, plus they have new babies to care for when they just dont feel well. I noticed a huge difference in the amt of care. My feet noticed, too.

Basically I am taking on a full load and my preceptor is pushing me along. I am getting more organized--she has to remind me of stuff and once I'm reminded--or corrected--I seem to "get it."

My preceptor said yesterday that I am her 1st orientee who has taken a full paient load the first week on the floor. Ok, well here is my take on that--I am no superwoman and I am scared to death 99% of the time. But my nursing school program did its job--it was tough on me and taught me that if I didnt jump right in and learn as much as I could, the ship would sail. In school, clinicals were 5 weeks and then it was on to a new specialty. In my job, I have just a few weeks on orientation, then I have to take a full load. Oh my.

Nursing school was hard because it had to be hard. If it hadnt kicked my butt I would not be doing what I am doing right now. It didnt teach me enough to function on my own, but it DID teach me enough discipline to jump in and learn how to function on my own. (I still hated it most of the time!)

My day was full of teaching things like incision care, breastfeeding (which I suck at), and baby care. Got to watch a baby jaundice from head to toe (freaky), pull some caths, pull some staples, gave a Guardasil injection (which, BTW, CANNOT BE GIVEN IN THE BUTT), etc, etc.

Yuckiest thing I did? Squeeze meconium & urine filled cotton balls free of their pee/poop into a specimen cup for an newborn infants drug screen. Never been one to play in poop and pee before so it was purty nasty.

Coolest thing was staple removal and looking at the incision of a fresh c-setion mom after she accidentally pulled a couple staples out herself after attempting to put some undies on. OOPS!

I had one 30 minute break all day (I was there 13 hrs). Which leads me to say this to the nursing students out there: if there is any way you can leave the nurses alone when they are sitting in the breakroom--please do so.

Of course, never endanger a patient, but if you need a hat out of the supply closet, or want to ask where someones chart is for research, or something else non urgent--just wait--or ask someone else at the desk like the unit secretary or your instructor!

Nurses get very few breaks. I knew this to be probably true before, and now realize how absolutely brutal the day can be if you cant sit down for a few minutes and eat lunch. (Didnt have lunch yesterday until 4PM and was really feeling run down by that point.) I remember the dirty looks we got as students if we went into the nurses break room to ask questions and never really understood why. Well, now I know. And it isnt personal--it is NOT a case of nurses eating their young!!!!!!!Nuff soap box.

Hey, if I am missing your link, let me know. Take care all!

L&D-YUM.

Am I a freak? Ok, so I am in Mother Baby, and while I dont mind it, the minute I set foot in L&D I get all crazy inside--like I have a crush on the unit or something. Tehe. At the same time, L&D scares the poo-poo out of me.


Yesterday I had THE BEST CLASS!!!!! We spent the whole day going over labor stages, complications (prolapsed cord and precip birth--more on that later) and then we went over to the unit and played with opening tables, taking the bed apart, using the vaccum extractor. I was in heaven. Starting to think I have a problem. I absolutely can NOT wait for my class on EFM and strips next week. Um.

Today is more postpartum class junk. I sound excited, huh? Had a nurse tell me last week that on my unit you either like the moms and babies, just the babies (like in NICU), or just labor and delivery. I think I see pretty clearly where I fit. Ok, ok, I KNOW I need to know it all, but c'mon. M/B is kinda...bla.

And my favorite, favorite parts? Trying to memorize the surgical instruments for a check off and checking the cervix on a plastic model.

I found out yesterday that it is costing my hospital $65,000 to train me which includes payment of my preceptors, classes, materials, my 12 weeks of orientation, etc, etc. Wow.

Later--just got called and because of bad weather, NO CLASS TODAY! WHEEEEEEE!

Mother/Baby Stuff

Yesterday was day one for me on the MBU (mother baby unit). I have a good preceptor--she is very detail oriented and friendly (a good combo I am finding). She asked me what I wanted to do when we first began the day and I said, "Everything I can." She told me later that she was pretty shocked at how I just jumped right in--other orientees of hers have had to be pushed into action, she said. I told her that I NEED to learn this stuff and feel at least a little familiar with what I am doing! Man, I only have 4 weeks on this uit and then it if off to APU (antepartum).

We started the day with 3 couplets ( a couplet is a mom and baby combo) and ended with 5. I assessed all the moms and babies, gave all the meds/did all the heel sticks, and charted my assessments--they are assessed q. 4 hours, so I was busy. Everything was smooth sailing until we got two admits at around two, one of my babies spiked a 100.8 axillary temp, and one of my moms came running from the room yelling she had something hanging out of her vagina! Yeah, and that happened all at once...

Baby went to NICU, mom had a prolapsed cervix with a cervical hamatoma, and I got all the admits assessed, medicated etc. Got all my charting done at 8:30--yikes. My preceptor stayed too and we had a ton of work to do. Late night! At 8 o'clock the charge nurse came up and asked me if I new my 11AM discharge was still hanging out in the room??????? She said originally that she wanted to shower before leaving, we said ok, but then she never left....

So what did I learn? Had a teacher once that said the thing that separates nurses from everyone else in healthcare is our ability to assess with excellence. So yeah, assessment is absolutely KEY to everything. If I hadnt been on top of things I wouldnt have caught my baby getting sick (he was a meconium baby and the peds doctors are thinking infection like aspiration pneumonia).

Oh my, I hve sooooooooooooooooooo much to learn. How is it possible???

PS The thing that stinks about working 14 hrs yesterday is I didnt see my kids AT ALL. *sigh* Today I just work 8, so will have to get some extra snuggles in.

So you NEED to pass the NCLEX?

Just thought I would post 10 helpful tidbits on passing the NCLEX since I am fielding some questions from fellow classmates about this exam. You can read back through my blog and see that I was pretty dedicated to studying and I spent a lot of time perusing NCLEX books and sites--so here is ultimately what I would suggest which seemingly led to my own success:

1. Surviving the NCLEX really requires a solid foundation in nursing school. If you are in school now, incorporate as much NCLEX prep into your studies as you can. This means that each exam you take should be prepped for by studying your notes AND using an NCLEX book to practice questions that correlate w/ what you are studying. A book I recommend for this type of study is:



2. According to the Kaplan guy, who came to my school in order to sell Kaplan's review, 85% of all first time NCLEX testers pass. Stats show you will have a higher chance of passing the SOONER you take it after you grad.

Basically, you WILL forget stuff the longer you are out of school. With this in mind I took a minimal break after graduating before I began studying and reviewing for the exam. I would recommend taking NO MORE than 2 weeks off between graduation and studying. It is going to be pretty hard to start up again the longer you play after you graduate. I know people who still havent started studying and they are starting to freak!

3. Really you should have a good understanding of CAT (computer adaptive testing) and NCLEX testing. Visit these sites:

How the Nclex Works from an Expert
NCLEX Candidate Bulletin
NCLEX Wiki
Exam Psychometrics Q&A

4. Ok, so what are you going to study exactly? In my opinion you need two books:

Saunders Comprehensive Review:


Kaplan's NCLEX Review Book:


What I recommend is reading the Kaplan book from front to back and work through the practice questions using their methods of breaking down questions. This will be useful for you when you get into the NCLEX and encounter questions that you just dont know the material. When you have questions like that you will need to critically decide which answer is best based on nursing process and process of elimination. This is what makes Kaplan so useful.

Now for Saunders, I recommend Suzanne's Plan from the allnurses board--you can find the info here:
Suzanne's Saunders Review Plan

I only did step one of the plan and found it a VERY useful review of core material.

5. What about actual review courses? The advice i received was that unless you struggled throughout nursing school and got mostly C's and really had to work hard for low B's, you don't NEED an expensive review course. Nursing school prepares you for the NCLEX--that is their main goal. I don't know how many times I have heard that the ONLY real thing you will be prepared for by going to school is the exam because being ready for real-world nursing just doesnt happen.

That said, if I had to recommend a formal review, I would go with ATI's Virtual ATI program. I thought the review was very thorough and having an online instructor was fantastic (go back and read through the encouraging emails she sent me). Ask for Dinah Harmon if you opt for this plan--she was a fanatstic instructor.

I loved that ATI will tell you your probabilty of passing the exam AND will let you know when you are READY to test. You also get all kinds of review materials (books, DVD's) and an online question bank. My one issue w/ ATI is that the questions are NOT as difficult as real NCLEX questions--but I have yet to find any questions that compare.

Do I recommend Kaplan? Well, I havent taken Kaplan, but I have heard it is a waste of time and money. For every person who actually liked Kaplan, I have heard from 10 others who said it is lame. I personally didn't have the $$ for Kaplan and ultimately feel like they have one goal--to make $$ off people desperate to pass this test. They really prey on student's insecurities--and yes, I did sit through a two hour scare tactic sales presentation which really turned me off. So I'm not impressed--obviously--but I am also not an expert!

6. If you are broke like I was you may be wondering, "Are there any free NCLEX resources?" Yes! Here are links that I have collected that give review questions and materials plus support at no cost:

Kaplan Test Prep Link -click on the link to take an exam--smeone said the goal is to get 65% or more on it!

RN Board Review-sign up on this board and take quizzes for free!

More Free Questions Here and here.

Exam Cram Site--free ???'s

Test Prep Review Site--free practice test


If you need support, check out the Allnurses NCLEX support thread--very useful when you are having a meltdown!


7. Ok, so here are a couple places you can purchase test bank questions (in case you have money to blow):
NCSBN Practice Bank--I used this and liked it a lot, plus its pretty cheap!

Kaplan has a test bank that people rave about and you can buy it without going to the seminar. IT is pretty pricey, but I've heard good things so I wanted to include it!

8. Another IMPORTANT recommendation I have is that you memorize all your labs, drug calc formulas and metric conversions early on. Review them daily and when you walk into the exam, the FIRST thing you are going to do is write down ALL this info on the white board provided for you. Then you need to put your ear plugs in (ask for them before you get into the testing room).



9. Let me stress that you absolutely must uderstand Maslow, The Nursing Process and ABC's to pass the NCLEX. If you dont get those three things, please, please, please review and know these principles backwards and forwards.

10. Ok, so now you have all that info, what do you do with it? First, set your test date as soon as you get your ATT (authorization to test). You need to set it and DO NOT reschedule it!! Make a plan and stick with it!

My strategy? I utilized 4 weeks to study and did approximately 100-200 questions a day. I read all the rationales on questions I missed and reviewed my weak areas using the Saunders book.
The main thing is to be dilligent--stay on task and reward yourself periodically with a job well done. My favorite treat was to take my study supplies to Starbucks and sip my favorite coffee drink while reviewing. It didn't feel so torturous!

Oh, and when you pass, celebrate!!!!

Any other tips out there? Share them in comments! (And please excuse my typos as usual!)

Week One

Just finished my 1st week of work as an RN--I am tired. Worked two twelves and two eights and am a bit overwhelmed. Had two days in the newborn nursery and two class days. All in all it has been a fun week...

Had a funny charting moment--fellow nurse charted "shirt on infant arms an legs" but managed to leave out the "r" in shirt! We all thought she meant the baby pooped all over herself and the nurse was asked about her choice of language in the chart. Came to find out she had put nursery shirts on both set of extremities for extra warmth and had just made a mistake in her charting. Cracked me up!

I am FINALLY a...

I passed the NCLEX! Thanks to everyone for your well wishes and prayers. Couldn't have made it without God, my family and all my friends...

More about my 1st real day later--just got home to a banner on the door and a spaghetti dinner made by my dear husband. I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today...

I just wanted to write myself a little note here...

It is 4:30 in the morning and here I sit. Sometimes I look at my life and wonder at where I am--for someone who is a disaster in many ways, God has given me so much to be thankful for and has brought me some really happy times and accomplishments. It is strange to think that one day will make such a big difference in my life--that I have a lot on the line "professionally" today.

What I want to remember, no matter what happens, is that I am not just a nurse. That being a registered nurse is not the goal of my life. Really. My goal is to love God and to love those around me. That is such a challenge--more of a feat than what I am facing now.

If I dont make it with the NCLEX, or if I lose my job, or if somehow I just dont succeed with all of this, I am really thrilled that I have had this chance--God has given me the opportunity to become a nurse. This has been one of my heart's desires and it has been a long time coming. I have learned patience, perserverance, and the true meaning of the word "hard work." I feel like I could take on anything at this point in my life.

So the focus is not on me, but on what God has done in me, and in the people I will hopefully help today--even if I only get this one day on the floor, I pray that God will use me in some way to show His love for someone else through my actions.

By faith (and I'll admit I am not the most faithful!) I am going into something new today. I am at peace and I hope you are, too. May you all have a day full of God's love! I am thinking of you!

Emails:

An email from me to my ATI instructor last night:

Dear ******,
Well, I took the NCLEX and am really freaking out. I got 75 questions, about 8 select all that apply (which I stink at), 1 drug calculation, lots ofpriority/delegation. I do not feel good about it at all. I feel like I wasnt exposed to half the information that was presented. I cant even find correct answers for some of the questions I remember that I just flat out didnt know. It was really hard. I managed to stay calm and did my best. Any wordsof wisdon here? Everyone keeps saying they "KNOW" I passed and I am so afraid I didnt! Any advice???

*Thankforyourtimeblablabla-Prisca*

And her reply this morning:
I can not tell you how many times I have heard this story ---and, guess what--students with your scores on the ATI program just don't fail NCLEX. I know you are replaying each question in your head and probably can not think of any you got even near right ---but you did! When you get your score on Monday, you will be a very happy camper. When you come off the walls, drop me an email. I will watch out for it. Take a deep breath!

OK, so I dont believe a word she is saying, but I do love her for writing those words to me...

During the wait, I am sure it is normal to convince oneself that they failed the NCLEX.

That said, I feel like I failed. Would probably bet money on it at this point.

I dont know--I cant remember any of the upper level questions and I know I missed some of the knowledge based ones. How could I have possibly passed that? I would get like 5 or 6 really hard questions in a row, then a relatively easier one, then back up into the hard ones. My second to last question was a leadership question.

I have to work a 12 tomorrow and am trying to figure out how to get my results at 10AM at work???? Thinking of sneaking in the bathroom and looking them up on my phone but dont know if that will work or not. But then what if I fail? I will be a wreck at my new job, so thinking I should just wait until I get home tomorrow night.

And yes, I AM checking pearson every couple hours in the hope that I am the ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD that they posted the results early for. On a weekend. Because God told them to. Har!

I feel absolutely crazy. For those of you out there waiting to take the exam--I just want you to note here what a basketcase I am...OK? Now you know and you will feel normal when you act like this. Warn your family and friends ahead of time!!!!

Now back to waiting...

Ah, what they say is true...

So ya know the whole "you will feel like you failed" NCLEX feeling everyone talks about? Well, its pretty accurate. I feel like I failed based on what a normal test feels like when I pass. Hm. Yet NCLEX is not a normal test!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I got up at 0630, reviewed some labs, got dressed, went to beakfast at Einsteins with the family and got to the test center a half hour early. WEnt into the bathroom and got a little sick to my stomach. Went into the office and they let me go right in to the testing room after fingerprinting, mug shot, and removal of all personal belongings. Wasn't very nervous, just kind of felt like I was in a dream of something.

I got ear plugs and think those helped although I could hear myself hyperventilating. Would have to agree that there is practically NO WAY to study for this exam. I was unfamiliar with about 95% of the content. Some questions seemed pretty common sense, others impossible. Took me about a hour to take the thing, got 75 questions, 1 drug cal, about 8 SATA, and lots of priority type questions. TONS of meds and wierd obscure things about them. Just kind of guessed my way through using Maslow, Nursing Process and ABC's. I even wrote all my labs down prior to the test and the only thing that helped was knowing electrolyte values and WBC.

I prayed right at #75 that God would spare me the rest of the test--and He did!!!! LOL! Honestly, 265 questions like that would have been murder.

Afterwards, DH took me out to lunch and now I am going to take a nap and zone.

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL that studying in school and I feel I know nothing. I'd like to hope that I passed, but the whole thing was just horrid. I am just kind of stunned, I guess?

Thats the story thus far. Thank you all so much for thinking of me today and posting all your kind comments. I didnt feel at all alone during the test. God was with me through the whole thing and I was able to at least take the exam without freaking out. Havent shed a tear yet!!

And monday cant come quickly enough!

Xanax anyone?

Tomorrow is the big day. I dont even know what to write. I think I am just very overwhelmed. Will be back to report on the whole ordeal--until then, thanks for your well wishes and prayers!

NNR

NNR--thanks for the link. I really, really, really needed to hear that.

Orientation Week

So, I am three days into orientation. Of course, day one was llllooonnngggggg and very, um, tiresome. Yeah. We went over lots of basic hospital policy stuff--payroll, insurance, infection control, etc. All geared towards general hospital employees. It went well and that was that...(And can I just say that I love the mission of the County Hospital. Very Inspiring!)

Yesterday and today are what is called GN Internship. We have been doing all kinds of things from listening to lectures on quality improvement (zzzzzz) to learning skills and how to use the equipment (which has been very, very useful!). Today we worked with the hospitals pumps, did central line dressing changes, worked with NG's, crash carts, the pyxis, etc. All good stuff to know as each hospital uses different equip. and we have not been exposed to some of this stuff in school.

Tomorrow is computer tarining and more inservices on policy, etc. Same type of thing on Friday, and then the REAL FUN begins!!!!!! For the next 8 weeks (provided I pass the you-know-what) I have classes two days a week and work two twelves a week!!! I start in Mother/Baby for 4 weeks and take classes on things like introducing breastfeeding, caring for post partum incisions, newborn care, etc, etc, etc. Then I move to antpartum and take classes on things like fetal monitoring, the process of labor, OR circulation for c-sections, fetal demise, blablabla. Lots and lots of class work which is going to be freakin AWESOME. Then if I am up to speed I move into 4 wks of L&D orientation...

Loving it all, very excited and at the same time have the big bad TEST demon circulating in my head...

Havent been studying much for that as I have been pretty worn out. You would think I wouldnt be from sititng on my but and all, but I am. (Stress?)

Honestly, and I know this is just because of the newness and all, I am so happy right now w/ my job choice. And I just dread, dread, dread Saturday.

I will pass. I must pass. And with that--I am off to get the kids from after-school care (got out of class early and came home to change clothes real fast & let the pooch out), order pizza and study.

Here I sit...

(above: the "gouty" king)

My NCLEX books all piled around me, my ATI crap up on the monitor, and a huge glass of Diet coke in front of me--this is my life right now and I am so tired of it.

The amazing thing is how much I DONT KNOW! Seriously people, I know nursing school zooms by, but we didnt learn much of anything, seemingly. Not much I can do about that except work my way through things that are glaringly lacking when I stumble on them.

Case in point: read all about gout and gaits this morning. (Every time I hear about gout I think of King Henry VIII--he had horrible gout and syphilis. YUCK! Imagine being one of his wives. Bet he was sexy.)

So a lot of this stuff is common sense and I feel like I can feel my way through it, but some of the info I am missing is scaring the doo-doo out of me. Like crutches and canes--no, we never went through gaits or anything in school. So today I have been standing up "pretending" to advance my left crutch, my right foot, my left foot and then my right foot (a four point gait)--I probably look crazy. The hubby just looks at me and shakes his head when I do this kind of stuff. (They are off at church BTW while I sit here and obsess.)

Enough of that chatter. The good stuff--

I start my job tomorrow! YEEHAW. I am so excited and totally have my rosed colored glasses on. Some of my classmates are loving their first jobs thus far, and others are having trouble with their preceptors, floors, level of acuity, etc. Ok, so I KNOW I may have some problems when I start, but come on! I made it through school--nothing can be as bad as all that! Yes, it is going to be stressful. But I am going to stay POSITIVE. Really, I promise.

Man, gotta get back to the books. Wish I could play online all day. Poop.

Back and forth

I keep panicing and thinking I should reschedule. I just dont trust myself, ATI, any of it. I am doing well in Saunders (staying above 80%) but still feel completely stupid about meds and some of the disease processes. I just want to get NCLEX over with. I keep going back to my ATI instructor saying to "take the exam asap," and I need to be able to trust her advice. I have studied more than anyone I know--thank God I have had some time off to do so. Hubby says he cant take me anymore and that if I reschedule he is going to go nuts. ;) He is a sweety--so thankful he supports me.

So, an all day study session for me today and tomorrow, then just reviews all week until I take the exam. Need to get my labs down once and for all (I like to mix INR, Lithium, PT and PTT values up). Today is Saunders--as much as I can handle and pharm review. Going to make lab flash cards as I cant find the last set I made (think I threw them out in a cleaning frenzy).

Oh you guys-I am so freaked. I have to get some control over my anxiety about this. It also doesnt help that I am one of the 1st people scheduled for the exam (#3 to be exact)--my whole class has put things off until February it seems. The two class members who have taken it have passed. Thats a relief, I suppose.

I am not even nervous about my job because I am so consumed. Blech. Thanks for listening out there.

To Do List

Grocery Shop
6 chapters in Saunders
Review Pharm and what I miss in Saunders
Laundry
Clean downstairs
Prep for company tonight

NCLEX is killing me. Going to study ALL weekend. Woke up really nervous about the whole thing today (doesnt help that everyone else is freaking out--need to maintain phone silence I think). Feel like I am an idiot. I read stuff and dont remember learning half of it--then realize a lot of things just werent taught in school (like cast care (it BURNS???), Menierres Disease, Celiac disease, Addisons disease--I could go on and on). I guess they cant cover everything.

Just going to do my best. Will never be 100% prepared. Ugh. This is really depressing.

Rumblings from the troops

Just heard from the 1st person I personally know who took the NCLEX. She is very bright, did well in school and says the questions are MUCH harder than ATI, Saunders, & Kaplan (sounds like she got to the really upper level questions which is a good sign). She left feeling that she knows she got "4," yes you heard me right, FOUR correct! The computer cut off at 75 for her. Now, I am positive she passed, but of course she is hysterical. Am I more paniced? Nope. I know NCLEX is going to be hard, it is going to suck, and I am going to think I failed. So, my job is to keep my cool, pray, and study what I can before then.

Meanwhile I am so, so, so excited about starting work (oh my, I typed SCHOOL first) on Monday. I will be seeing some old classmates and then getting to the floor on Wens. FUN! I dont even care that orientation is a bit boring. The best part in all of this is that I went to school to be in OB, and here I am--about to do what I set out to do!

Snow day today so the kiddos are wandering around. Will have to distract them while I get some stuff done. Then have to scrub down the house as we have company coming tomorrow night. Going to hit the books HARD this weekend.

What's up with you guys out there? How are all you nursing students adapting to school this semester? Leave me a comment. Take care!