Doing it all for the money?

Couple of definitions I think are useful to understand:

A vocation, Latin for "calling", is a term for an occupation to which a person is specially drawn or for which they are suited, trained or qualified. Though now often used in secular contexts, the meanings of the term originated in Christianity. (from Wiki)

Job-a specific piece of work, as in one's trade, or done by agreement for pay anything one has to do; task; chore; duty the thing or material being worked on

Profession-a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation

How do I know that I love my profession? I can honestly say that, without a doubt, I would work in women's health for free. Am I nuts or what?

Back when I was a fledgling doula and working on childbirth education, I would offer my services for free or donation just to get experience. What I found is that by doin' it just to do it, I formed relationships and found so much joy in the "work."

I've been thinking a lot about whether or not registered nurse childbirth educators are in general a good idea--especially when they are in a hospital setting. A lot of my thinking has stemmed from recent events involving my own search for certification and the different personalities I have encountered over the last 10 years on this vocational journey of mine.

It seems that forming relationships--or even just rapport--with your students enhances their ability to learn. That's a nursing 101 concept. I wonder if the hospital setting and agenda, coupled with other barriers to learning found in a hospital environment like lecture halls, cold room, florescent lighting, and intimidating medical garb and mumbo-jumbo, all negatively impact how childbirth and other CBE classes are taught.

A CBE instructor recently told me that pregnant women and their support persons expect a high tech, academic setting for their CBE classes, which explains the newfangled use of powerpoint and other media during class. I agree, as Americans we expect a lot for our money, but I am wondering how all this fits with a holistic and more of a midwifery model of education (if that exists)?

As an aside, the average cost of childbirth classes in this country is $110. Not a lot of money for a 6 week series, but a good chunk for an all day class. Hm.

I guess all this is just rumbling around in my head, coupled with the new knowledge I have made about my vocation: I have become an integral part of the highly medicalized childbirth practices found in hospitals today. In a real sense, I am a part of the problem. Yep.

Isn't that weird--for someone who has so believed in natural childbirth and all its accoutrements, that I would be the one following orders by physically tying women down in the bed with various tubes and wires, introducing synthetic oxytocin into their veins, pumping them with narcotics when they have pain, constantly watching what their bodies do on a computer screen, all so I could control their labors? It would be laughable if not so shocking.

And I'm not going to lie: I love technology--especially the technology of nursing. I love the gadgets, the machines, the hospital itself. I'm just not sure how far that love extends? Is it enough to keep me at the bedside of a healthy laboring mom, when that mom shouldn't be in bed at all?

For now, yes. I'm not ready to jump ship. I just don't have a lifeboat waiting around, yet.

But back to teaching in a hospital environment, I don't know if I can do it. I want to teach in women's homes, where they feel comfortable. I want to forgo PowerPoint's and academia, and focus instead on relationship, women helping women, partners not "coaching" but "supporting" and "loving" and "touching."

But then again, maybe I can change something if I do teach at the hospital? (Yeah, and we've see how well that has gone at the hospital when I am "laboring" someone! *sigh*)

See, I have all these ideals and none of them meet in the middle. I am pulled in opposite directions by these paths I have chosen. Which makes me again consider nurse midwifery--maybe the best way to blend it all?? Yes, I am back at that starting point.

What I am doing now as a labor and delivery nurse is part job and part vocation--and somewhat uncomfortable. But a blessing, nonetheless. Oh, and I do get paid for this craziness.

PS The move is going well! ;)