4:23 AM

Up and ready for clinicals. Leave @ 5AM to meet up with classmates in order to navigate the downtown parking w/out getting a 100 buck fine from the hospital we will be at.

Yeterday was a bad day at school for me. A bad day with ok outcomes--got a 90% on my cardiac exam and managed to do that after having a major confrontation w/ my instructor...long story. Suffice it to say he told me and others in my group that we would be checking off on our failed skills immediately after lecture???? Originally we were checking of next week. Yeah, panic ensued. I kept it together through the test and then everything went downhill after that--but I am checking off next Monday as previously told. Advocated for myself and others and it worked. Had some tears, went to stupid sim man which is a waste of time, and then to my new clinical site where I had three patients discharged on me before I found one I could take for tomorrow-w/out help from my instructor who could not be reached by anyone. (She finally returned my page at 2130 last night. uhoh)

I dont like who I am or what school is doing to me. Have a constant headache/stomache and the anxiety reared its ugly head last night. Just laid in bed and prayed until I fell asleep for a couple hours.

My pt today has metatstic gastric cancer. Through all of this, I hope I can help her in some small way. Ultimately, this hell is about service to others. I am having trouble remembering that, but I'm doing my best.

Hope you all are well out there. I turn 35 this week! ;)