(Above: my nursing school bookcase.)
Sat down in front of "the bookcase"--which is dwindling as I sell off some of my books and begin to weed through some of my old school papers--and proceeded to cry. Out of happiness, sadness, I dont know. I am filled with disbelief that I am done with school for now. Mixed feelings surround the whole thing-I hated it and loved it, ya know? Found my long-lost OB notes and OB/Peds Womens Health Pocket Notes and was remembering how I couldnt even stand to walk by nursing books at B&N because they would make me cry (I was so sad to have lost my dream a couple yrs ago). Now I look at the OB stuff with a bit of fear--I am a little scared about my job.
Yeah, so I am trying to clean my house today. Lately, I have been dreaming of school so yes, I am really working through a lot of emotions. Have had the dream where I am meeting a bunch of fellow students at a parking lot so we can drive over to clinicals and we are all late and dont know where to go...and a dream where I find out I need one more semester to graduate. Craziness.
I am getting a lot of rest and honestly just feel physically terrible. The weight gain and stress have me feeling like crap--I am starting to work on a plan for myself in terms of achieving some balance in my life again. I am eating a little better--have discovered veggies again. Going to get back to the YMCA this week and work out--that should feel horrible physically as I am so out of shape but must do it for myself mentally.
As for church--ugh. I am dealing with fallout of not going much as of late--people think I am a slacker I guess. It shouldnt matter what they think but I dont like being treated like a jerk. I am still a Christian though my church attendance hasnt been stellar. Really. I am. So, working through that...
And the relationship w/ my hubby. Boy, I love him, but the stress has really done a number. We've just been hanging on the couch the last few nights looking at each other like, "Now what." He is really excited about my being gone three nights a week when I start my new job. Ha. Got some interesting changes in store for us in the next month--and we've been married 14 yrs on Jan 8th!
Wens I start the big 3-hr-a-day NCLEX study plan. Blech. Have I mentioned I hate med-surg? Yeah, I hate it and want to be done with it...but alas, it will always be part of my practice. Kick me.
Ok, I've wasted enough time. Back to dusting and scrubbing toilets.
Happy Christmas, all...
12.24.2007
the bookcase
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3 comments:
Love your bookcase! As of now, the kitchen table is my area! We haven't eaten off of it in a year! :)
Merry Christmas!
I could say oh so many things, but I think "I understand" says it best. I haven't gotten to the point that I'm ready to go through my books yet, but I will. Being out of shape, check! Missing school, check (never thought I'd say that one!) Scared about my job, check! We can do this. We've worked hard for this. You may be going into L&D and I may be going in tele, but we're both nurses. We got through school together (in the cyber world) and we can get through this together! We can do this!! Keep your chin up. Know that there will be good days and bad days, but hopefully the good will far outweigh the bad. (((((HUGS)))))
Wow, I can so relate. Though I am not done (dang i have a year left!) I understand the emotions. Mine are flying all over the place. My nursing bookcase I look at lovingly. My emotions were so similar, when I thought i'd have to give up my dream a year ago too. Praise God, He got me through the following semester, taught me so much! If people judge you, it is their loss, because you care enough to tough out some dang tough times so you can "care" for your patients. And husband?? I'd try for a wknd away to reaquaint each other, recontact, have some hot sex. Hee hee. I would totally cry going through my stuff. I did that recently going through all my old flash cards! You know what they say about soldiers right? It's easiest when they're in battle, and toughest when they aren't, too much time to think! Well you're out of the battle... for the time being! God bless you, you are going to have a great life! You are just in a major shift from student to nurse! Hang in there, keep talking to other student/nurses for encouragement! Have you visited allnurses.com? you can talk to all the other graduates.
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