Babyland General

(I particularly like the placement of this nurse cap--behind the puff in front. Hm, perhaps I will go with this 'do for my school pic?)

Had a dream about this place I used to visit long ago with my grandparents in Georgia. It is full of stuffed/fake preemies and fat little toddlers in hospital-like rooms attended by super-smiley capped nurses. Basically you walk through the pace, ooohhh and ahhhh over everything and then spend a few hundred bucks to adopt one of these things. (This was pre-boxed cabbage patch kid, which you can still get for like $25 bucks. The "real" ones are hand sewn but just as ugly.)

Contrast that with the first time I was left alone in the hopsital nursery with about 15 screaming newborns in isolets needing to be fed, bagged for a drug screen, immunized, bathed, rocked, etc, etc. I just about peed my pants when I was buzzed--and locked--into the strangely bright room with all those tiny pink faces. The "real" nurse looked overwhelmed and explained she needed to leave for a bit to transport two isolets done the hall because "I don't know where the hell the tech went."

Real Nurse: "Do you know how to feed?"
Student Nurse: "Feed what?"
Real Nurse: "Feed the babies?"
Student Nurse: "Don't their mother's feed them?"
Real Nurse: *rolls eyes*

Got a quick lesson in grabbing tiny formula bottles and popping them in even tinier mouths and making positively sure each baby was upright while they fed (this was stressed over and over--ok, I get it!) I started with the angriest and circled round the room. Some of the little guys had no suck reflex related to mom's drug habit, and other guys wanted one, one-and-a half, two bottles before I was done. Had to throw a new blanket over myself and wash my hands between each kid, and had a couple giggling residents wander in to gawk at the stupid student and her inability to "quiet a few patients."

After the real nurse wandered back into the room (she had stopped off for a bagel in the break room), I was introduced to the chore of getting vitals on each kid (basically impossible to do when they are wailing) and then assisted the giggling, mean residents in circumcising two little guys. Ok, so the residents needed very little help, but I did dip pacifiers in sugar and hold them in the baby's mouths to keep them distracted (I never knew this was done) and stroked their little heads all while opening and dropping a few things on a sterile field.

After giving 10 baths and some Vitamin K shots in the vastus lateralis, I was released back onto the floor with a new repsect for nursery nurses.

Kinda ruined the whole Babyland General thing for me...failed to locate even one fresh-faced, happy, white-capped baby nurse.